


Illicit Affairs

by irrelevanttous



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrelevanttous/pseuds/irrelevanttous
Summary: She's always gone in the morning.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale
Comments: 20
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

When he woke up that morning, she was gone. The reason he knew this, without having to open his eyes, was because while her scent – floral like gardenias, mixed with a hint of cinnamon - was still in the air, his fingers were only touching the empty bedsheet next to him.

Last night, before he’d fallen asleep, he’d been tracing his fingertips over the soft, pale skin of her back, wishing this moment would never end. She’d already been asleep at this point, drained after their lovemaking, oblivious to the gesture. It was only during these small moments - these tiny fragments in time - when he could fool himself into believing that she was truly his.

But it was nothing unusual; the fact that she had left before he woke. This had happened before. Many times. More precisely, it had been like this _every_ time they had slept together. And while he should be used to it by now, he refused to accept it. Every single time, he caught himself hoping for a different outcome; he hoped that something – _anything_ – would make her stay this time.

His friends had called him foolish when he’d first told them about this sentiment.

Two days after he’d first had sex with her after that party at Emmett and Rosalie’s flat – they had both been drunk as fuck – he had confided in his two best friends. Edward and Emmett had only laughed and called him a hopeless romantic.

Back then, he had been so angry at himself for not even knowing her name.

He still didn’t.

Jasper wasn’t quite sure what was so special about her; why he was so drawn to her. The only thing he _was_ sure of was that she was irresistible.

The first time they’d met, he’d been intrigued by her personality within an instant of talking to her. And with the way her eyes seemed to smile even brighter than her lips.

And her _lips_.

God, he had to stop thinking about her.

She was the tiniest woman he’d ever seen, barely reaching up to his chest. Her dark hair was short, and she had been wearing it in a pixie hair cut – which, she’d told him, she’d gotten on a whim after a stressful day at work -, and it suited her perfectly. Before he’d met her, he’d thought he preferred women with longer hair; as with anything else, he had changed his mind about that then.

Jasper sighed while he sat up in his bed. He hadn’t put on any clothes last night after they’d slept together, so his naked body was enveloped by the white, silky – _empty_ – bedspread. Which still smelled like her.

She always insisted they went to his place to have sex. He’d never been to hers. More than a few times he’d felt himself wondering why she was so reluctant to let him know anything about her.

At the very least, she could tell him her name.

As he picked up his shirt from the ground, where she’d dropped it after practically ripping it off his chest last night, he caught himself – as he always did – looking through his bedroom for anything she might have left behind.

Not that it would have helped if she had.

Deep down, Jasper had to admit that his reason for doing this was that _if_ she had left something on his bedroom floor, it would give him an excuse to see her again.

However, it was pointless anyway; he didn’t have her phone number and he had no way of contacting her.

After that first night he’d woken up alone – it had been New Year’s Day – he’d gone back to Emmett and Rosalie’s place, probably waking them while they were trying to sleep their hangover away. But he hadn’t cared; he had to find out whether they knew her, if they could tell him who she was, and how he could contact her.

How he could make sure he would see her again.

Not only because the sex had been amazing. Which it definitely had been.

It was more than that, though. There was no way he could have simply imagined the attraction between them, the way his body reacted whenever she was close by, the electricity that threatened to rob his senses every time their skin connected.

It had been real.

She hadn’t told him anything about herself, and yet he felt as if he knew her. The look she’d given him at the party had shaken him to the core, had torn down the foundations of his worldly beliefs, his perceptions of life itself.

Before that, Jasper had been convinced that love at first sight was not possible, that it was nothing more than an illusion, infused into society by the big Hollywood movies and the authors of cheesy romance novels.

Not even when Emmett had claimed that that was exactly what had happened to him the first time he’d laid eyes on Rosalie, had Jasper believed it. The feeling Emmett had most likely been experiencing, could not be more than attraction, a desire to rip the other’s clothes off, nothing but a carnal urge. Or so Jasper had told himself.

And then he had met _her_.

Never before in his life had a simple look had such an effect on him. At that moment, he’d known he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything.

And he’d wanted many things in his life before that moment: the career at the successful law firm, the expensive car that made other men drool with envy, the penthouse apartment with the ceiling-high windows in the middle of Manhattan. All of these things he’d managed to get, with a lot of hard work and determination.

And yet, all of these things were not enough now that he’d met her.

And that even though he’d _had_ her. They had fucked in every sense of the word; in every possible position, in every possible place: in his bed, his shower, on the kitchen table, against the wall, in his car, on the floor. There wasn’t a single place in his apartment he could look at without thinking of her.

And perhaps, he wondered, that had been her intention in the first place.

Because clearly, she enjoyed it; how desperate he was for her, how much he wanted her. She always gave him that wistful smile whenever he begged her to reveal something about herself. Her response was always the same: she shook her head slightly - her eyes gleaming - and kissed him again; it was a very effective way to make him stop thinking about all the questions he had, for a while at least.

But the questions came back every time, as soon as the lust had subsided; when they were lying in bed together, the side of her face connecting with his chest, their legs intertwined. Jasper had realised something then, during those first nights they’d slept together: he could hold her in his arms, could kiss her lips as much as he wanted, could own her body in every humanly possible way, but despite all this, he could not own her _soul_.

And he could fuck her as many times as he’d liked, but it would never make her his.

Last night had been no different. She’d shown up at his door as she usually did, without an announcement. He’d gotten used to this over the last few weeks and had even stopped going out to dinner with people, too afraid of missing her. Without a preamble, without even greeting him, she’d pulled him down to her face, had pressed her lips against his, and had kissed him passionately, making him forget everything else in the world.

Jasper had learned not to ask too many questions.

In truth, he suspected she was married.

He sometimes imagined it; her, arm in arm with a rich businessman at a fancy event, drinking champagne and an expression on her face that made all too clear that she was wishing internally to be someplace else.

If she had a husband, though, he probably wasn’t good at satisfying her sexual desires. Jasper was convinced that she was suffering from touch deprivation. At least if the way she was throwing herself at him every time he looked at her with longing in his eyes was any indication; how desperate she was for his touch whenever they took their clothes off.

Jasper was aware that most of his friends believed he was lucky; to have found a beautiful woman who wanted nothing more than sex; no obligations, no feelings involved.

Although, of course, there _were_ feelings involved. At least on his side of things.

Last night, when they had been lying on his bed again, his arm wrapped tightly around her, he’d done it again. Had made that same mistake again.

He’d asked her when he’d see her again.

But she’d responded the same way she always did: by telling him he would have to be patient.

She always got quiet after his questions – the ones he couldn’t stop; which slipped over his lips uncontrollably. This time had been no different. After that, she’d told him she was tired and wanted to go to sleep. Jasper had resigned then, yet again.

Perhaps it was worse, though. Maybe she wasn’t married, but rather, was sleeping with him for entirely different reasons. He’d made a few enemies along the way while chasing his career ambitiously. Maybe she was working for one of his opponents, trying to find a way to destroy him.

And she most likely could.

Because while she never told him anything about her, Jasper talked about himself constantly. It was just something he’d always done after sex – an old habit. He wasn’t the type of man to fall asleep immediately afterwards. He was the type that wanted to talk, perhaps cuddle.

So he talked.

By the third time she’d ended up in his bed, he’d told her about his home in Texas, his family, the dog they owned, his job and colleagues. It was foolish and he was aware of this, but he still couldn’t stop himself. If she had indeed been sent by someone to destroy him, he would happily step into the hellfire and finish the job for her.

Whenever he started talking about himself, she seemed to enjoy it. She always listened with interest, always nodded at him encouragingly, always asked him questions to keep him talking. Jasper knew he should think that her behaviour was suspicious, but the truth was that he simply didn’t care. He would give her anything she wanted, anything she needed.

While he, himself, wanted and needed nothing more than her.

He made his way to the shower reluctantly, not wanting to wash her scent off his skin but knowing at the same time that he couldn’t come into the office like this, reeking of sex.

His thoughts drifted back to last night while the hot water was running down his body, relieving the ache of his strained muscles. She had been insatiable yesterday, had not stopped demanding more for hours, and Jasper had given it to her willingly.

Twice they had fucked hard in his bed, her screams – which would have been loud enough to make the neighbours knock at his door - muffled only by how she had sunk her teeth into his shoulder.

He traced the bite mark with his fingers. It had driven him crazy, the pain and lust he’d felt at that moment. And now it was a reminder.

Another painful reminder that this had just been a fleeting moment.

The other times, he’d been eating her out, his head underneath the covers, with her hands gripping his locks, urging him to go faster. This was what he liked best, these moments when she could only whimper his name, too incoherent for complete sentences.

He loved how she said his name in all these different ways; nearly screaming it with pleasure; whispering it against his lips whenever she kissed him; even annoyed, when he’d asked yet another question she wasn’t willing to answer.

“ _Jasper, you know I can’t tell you_ ,” she always said in exasperation whenever that happened.

“ _Why_?” he shot back every time, and every time the only response he got was her silence.

“ _Isn’t this enough?”_ she’d asked him in return once and he’d looked at her incredulously, not able to believe that she actually thought it could be.

“ _No_ ,” he’d said, nearly telling her how much he loved her right then.

Rosalie had also called him a fool when he’d confided in her, when he had told her about this mysterious woman he’d met at the New Year’s Eve party.

“ _You hardly know her_ ,” she’d said, shaking her head.

And Jasper knew this, knew how nonsensical it would seem to anybody else, to fall in love with someone he knew nothing about, but it didn’t change anything. He _did_ love her, and there was nothing to be done about it.

He got ready for work and put on one of the countless suits in his wardrobe – she had snorted at those.

“ _Don’t you own any other clothes?_ ” she’d asked and he’d grinned. He treasured those moments, the small interactions they had where she was so playful with him; almost flirting, as if they were actually dating.

“ _Comes with the job_ ,” he’d shrugged.

She’d walked back over to the bed from where he’d been watching her, after that comment, and had sat down on the edge next to him, stroking her index finger over his cheek.

“ _Do you ever wish you could do something else_?” Her voice had been quiet and she’d been avoiding his eyes.

Jasper, for one silly moment, had actually thought that this was it; that this was the moment when she’d finally open up about herself. When she’d finally tell him who she was. What a fool he’d been.

“ _I’ve worked hard for this job_ ,” he’d said in reply.

She’d looked back at him then, her attentive eyes fixed on his.

“ _That’s not an answer,_ ” had been her answer.

And ever since then, Jasper hadn’t been able to shake the thought, that while he knew _nothing_ about her, perhaps she knew _everything_ about him.

At that moment, he’d realised she was aware of just _how_ miserable he really felt in this job that he’d worked so hard for.

How was it possible that she knew him so well and he didn’t even know her name?

He went to work that day, same as every other day, trying to distract his mind enough with work so that he wouldn’t constantly think about her. And as always, he failed miserably at this attempt.

She was on his mind during every waking moment, every dream he had at night.

One time, he’d tried guessing her name, a few weeks after she’d started to show up at his apartment at random times. A few dozen names he’d tried, but the closest he’d gotten to provoke a reaction from her was at the name “Mary”.

But somehow, he knew that that wasn’t the name she went by. She didn’t seem to be a “ _Mary_ ”, it somehow didn’t fit. When he’d told her this, she’d smiled mysteriously and had said that she agreed with him on that.

It was another dull, endless day at work. He was already dreading the evening. Even though he was certain that she would not come back tonight – she never came to see him two nights in a row – he still didn’t want to be away from his apartment in case he was wrong.

But the work event in the evening – a fundraising gala – could not be avoided. Most of their high-profile clients would be there, as well as some of his firm’s competitors. He had to go.

He stayed at the office for too long – he always worked extra hours – so that he had no time to return home to change. Thankfully, his office had a bathroom with a shower, so he didn’t have to attend the gala with an unkempt appearance.

While he was good at talking to people – always had been – he still didn’t like these events where everyone was wearing a smile even more fake than their perfect noses. Therefore, the beginning of the event was rather dull.

But then, he saw her.

The world froze around him for a moment as he stared at her like she was the only person in the room. It seemed unfathomable to see her here; even though he knew it was silly, he’d never really imagined her outside the walls of his apartment. It had felt to him as if she’d only existed there, in that small world of their own, during these few hours every week when he could have her.

But of course, that was nonsense. Of course she had a life outside of his apartment.

She looked at him then, as he contemplated this. Her blue eyes widened in shock for a second, making him realise she’d not known he would be here any more than he’d known about her.

Then, she’d reined her emotions back in and walked straight towards him with confident steps, coming to a halt in front of him.

“Jasper,” she whispered, her face twisting into a smile.

Once more, he hated that he could not say her name in return, so he just stared back at her in silence.

“Last night was…,” she started, but he cut her off, feeling angry all of a sudden. Angry that he’d not known she would be here. Angry that he knew _nothing_ about her.

“Why did you leave? _Again_?”

Her expression became guilty at his tone, clearly she was sensing how much this bothered him, how upset he really was.

“You’re going to find that out sooner than you expect,” she replied simply, her eyes looking strangely resigned, almost _lost_ all of a sudden.

He wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but before he had the chance, they were interrupted by the voice of a tall, brown-haired man, approaching them with long steps.

“ _Alice_!”

Only then did he learn her name.

The man came to a stop next to them, eyeing Jasper in a polite – and yet suspicious – way. “There you are, honey.”

And although Jasper had known – suspected, at least – that she was _with_ someone, the words hurt all the same. Both his and the man’s eyes were resting on her now, expectantly.

“James, meet Jasper – he’s a colleague from work.”

Jasper nearly flinched at the words and felt his previous anger flare up again. It didn’t feel right that she was lying about them, not when he’d been _inside_ her just a couple of hours ago, not when he’d washed off her scent and sweat only this morning, not when she’d giggled only last night about the story he’d told her from his childhood.

“Jasper, this is James.” Her eyes were apologetical now, already seeking for forgiveness before she’d even spoken the words. But she didn’t have to; Jasper already knew what she was going to say.

“My _husband_.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out Alice's side of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks goes to my amazing wife @tragicallywicked for reading over this chapter and telling me her thoughts about it. This was planned as a one-shot but due to popular demand, I've decided to extend this.

**_2._ **

****

She’d never planned for this situation to get so damn complicated.

But when she had met him, at that New Year’s Eve party, she’d known exactly what was going to happen, where this was going to end. The look he gave her – so full of intensity it still made her shiver with desire whenever she thought about it – was all she never knew she needed.

The party hadn’t been the first time she’d seen him, although she was sure he wasn’t aware of this. A few weeks before, Alice had been invited to another event – an elite rooftop party – in downtown Manhattan by a friend. That was when she first laid eyes on Jasper Whitlock. He didn’t even notice her then, too distracted by the conversations with his fancy-looking friends.

But she’d noticed _him_.

It was impossible not to.

The gleaming charm seemed to ooze out of every pore of his being; it enveloped her even from forty feet away across the rooftop. She never took her eyes off him during the entire night, her gaze lingering on that gorgeous face with the crooked smile for far longer than was appropriate. Before that day, she’d never particularly had a thing for overly tall men before, had always preferred average-sized men. But this man was the most attractive guy she’d ever seen, so she was willing to throw her previous preferences out of the window. There was something so irresistible about him, something that drew her to him like the literal moth to the flame.

There was only one obstacle, one reason why she didn’t approach him at the rooftop party: James’s presence there. For once, her husband had actually offered to accompany her to the event, and although he’d disappeared shortly after they arrived to get drunk with his friends at the bar, Alice was still hesitant to speak – _flirt_ – with other men while her husband was so close. So, she hadn’t approached the compelling blond man at that time.

As Alice reminisced about the party, the sound of the bathroom doorknob hitting the wall announced that she wasn’t on her own anymore. The sound startled her and brought her back to the present. Her glassy stare returned to the mirror in front of her while she wondered once more how she’d ended up here in this bathroom. With her husband and her lover likely standing outside as they waited for her return.

Her _lover_.

No, Alice had never meant for it to get out of hand. In the end, it had been loneliness which drove her into Jasper’s arms. In High school, when she and James started dating, her foolish teenage-self was convinced she had found “The One”, as if her life was a story straight out of one of the romance novels she’d devoured at the time. In front of the altar, she’d given the vows in the presence of all their friends and family members: The only man she would ever love, the only one she would ever want.

Oh, what a liar she had been.

In the desperate hope that it would make the red colour of her cheeks disappear, Alice splashed some cold water in her face. Unfortunately, it didn’t have the desired effect. She looked distraught.

As she assessed the situation in her head again, trying to figure out a way to control and minimize the damage, she had to admit she should be grateful that Jasper hadn’t – at the very least - confronted her in front of James. Not that she’d really expected him to. From the first moment she knew him, it had been clear Jasper was a proper gentleman; he would never embarrass anyone in public. On top of that, she had a feeling that he’d suspected the entire time she was married. After all, Jasper wasn’t stupid. He hadn’t looked too shocked about the revelation that James was her husband.

He hadn’t looked that _bothered_ either, and the thought irritated her more than she could admit. He was either a very good actor or he simply didn’t care about her as much as she’d thought.

She inhaled deeply and straightened her back, glancing back at her reflection in the mirror. She had to go back out there. Hiding in here would not help her situation. She had to face them. It was very likely that James had moved on to another business partner by now and Jasper… well, he would not let this go. That much she was sure of. This time, she would have to tell him the truth. For far too long, she’d avoided doing that; she had enjoyed their little bubble far away from reality too much. But the bubbled had burst.

With one last sigh, she turned away from her messed up appearance in the mirror and made her way toward the exit. Internally, she already dreaded the conversation that was bound to happen. And her assumption turned out to be exactly right: As soon as she’d stepped out of the bathroom, she was stopped dead in her tracks by a voice calling her name.

“Alice!”

Far slower than she normally would have, she turned around to face him. It was the first time he’d called her by her name and she tried to be unaffected by it. However, she did not succeed at this. She’d longed for her name to roll over his lips so many times, had wished for nothing more than for him to moan it while she was touching him, pleasuring him. But the memory of his hands gripping her hair tightly while she had her mouth on him was too distracting, and she urged herself to focus.

He was leaning against the wall next to the lady’s restroom, looking so undeniably handsome that she had trouble paying attention to the angry expression he was wearing on his face. Before this day, Alice had never seen him in a suit, despite the fact that she knew he wore them to work every day.

Whenever she’d spent the night at his apartment, she always made sure to get away before he woke up. And in the evening, when she showed up at his door unannounced, Jasper had usually already changed out of his suits into more comfortable – often work-out – clothes.

So, the sight of him in a proper tuxedo was enough to make the wetness pool between her legs. She couldn’t help it; he had that effect on her. Jasper ran a hand through his tamed, gelled-back hair, which caused some of his now freed blond locks to fall down into his face. Alice liked it better this way, anyway. It suited him more.

“Can I talk to you?” His voice was restrained, but it was impossible to miss the underlying urgency.

“Now?”

He clenched his jaw. “Yes, now.” His tone made her realise that she had no choice but to comply. At least if she wanted to see him again. Ever.

Already bracing herself, she nodded, and Jasper pushed himself off the wall by his palms. He walked away from her and rounded the next corner without so much as turning to look at her again. Alice swiftly glanced around to make sure nobody was watching them and then followed him. He led her through the hotel until he found an empty, poorly-lit hallway. There, he finally halted his steps and spun on his heels, facing her again. He wasn’t even trying to conceal the irritation and disappointment in his expression any longer.

“So, Alice.” She flinched when he put a special emphasis on her name. “You’re married.”

Deep down, she felt like crying and apologizing already, but instead, she pushed her shoulders backwards, tilted her head, and glared up at him in defiance. “Come on. Don’t act like that surprises you.”

For a second, Jasper was speechless, before he recovered again, “That’s it? You never mention this small detail about your life and now I’m the stupid one? Because I should have known, should have guessed that you’re married?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, but it sounds like that’s what you’re implying. For fuck’s sake, Alice, I didn’t even know your name! You told me not a single thing about yourself. So please excuse me, if I’m a little shocked when I run into your fucking _husband_ at a company event out of the blue.” He had raised his voice enough to make her flinch again, but was very careful not to be loud enough for other people outside the hallway to hear.

“Jazz –” she began, but he cut her off.

“Oh, don’t ‘Jazz’ me. I can’t believe I let you screw me over like this.” He shook his head. “You’re not wearing a ring, how was I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?”

“I never wear it.” Alice sighed. “Not even around him.”

“Why not?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Because I hate being married to him,” she said, before shutting her mouth again. At that moment, she realised she had never said those words out loud before. And although it was the truth, it still wasn’t something she would normally easily admit to. But right now, she owed Jasper honesty. He was right. It wasn’t fair how she’d never told him anything about her life. Especially not, considering that he’d told her so much about his.

For the first time this evening, his expression softened ever so slightly. Then, another thought seemed to cross his mind because he frowned, his expression looking stiff all of a sudden. “Is he treating you badly?”

His eyes drilled into hers with the same intensity she normally liked so much about him, and she was unable to reply. Truthfully, she did not know the answer to his question herself.

“No,” she said then, after a few seconds. “At least not in the way you’re probably thinking of right now. He doesn’t… hurt me, or anything. He’s just…”

She paused, struggling to find the right words. Jasper raised his eyebrows.

“Distant?” he guessed.

“I was going to say an _asshole_.” She snorted. “But yeah, I guess distant, too. I was in love with him once, but those times are long gone.”

Jasper stared at her; his brows still raised. “Isn’t that what marriage is about? You’re in love and then you’re not, but you still stay together because it has grown into something else?”

“That is a lie.” Alice laughed bitterly. “Sometimes you fall out of love and there is nothing left. Sometimes you can’t even remember why the fuck you ever said yes to the other person. I don’t even particularly like him.”

“Great,” Jasper hissed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. She flinched again at his tone. He’d never been so angry at her before and she didn’t like it one bit. “So, you got bored with your husband and decided you still want some fun on the side and that’s where I came in? You really never gave a shit about me, did you? Otherwise, you would have told me about him and given me a choice in the matter.”

“No!” She felt the tears start to well up in her eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh really? What was it like, then?”

Alice had to pull herself together forcefully. Their conversation was threatening to slip out of control, and she didn’t want to argue with him. Not when, truthfully, she understood why he was so upset. Not when all of this meant that he actually _did_ care about her, after all.

“I never meant for that to happen,” she said, her voice quiet. “For _us_ to happen. I never wanted to be that woman, you know. That awful, big-city housewife that got married too young and then – as you so kindly put it – got bored of her husband and found herself a lover. I don’t…”

She pressed her lips together before she could finish the sentence. It would not be wise to finish it. The words nearly slipping over her tongue had been ‘ _I don’t_ _consider you my lover’_. Because she didn’t. From the first moment she’d seen Jasper, she’d felt that powerful, dazzlingly intense connection to him. The word lover wasn’t right, didn’t capture the depth of what he was to her. What he meant to her. The word ‘lover’ somehow implied something improper, forbidden, dirty. It talked about someone who should be hidden. And the secrecy was not the part she enjoyed about their relationship. Her motives were not to find some _fun_. Alice had not been asking for any of this: she had simply been unable to resist the temptation, this invisible pull between them.

“Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you are. You are that woman.” The bitterness was dripping out of every word he spoke.

“Jasper…” Alice couldn’t bear the disgust on his face. “I know. I know I… hurt you. I’m so sorry. I thought it would be easier if you didn’t know about this. I see now that that was stupid, but I don’t…”

Again, she didn’t finish the sentence.

_I don’t love him._

_I love_ you _._

She bit her bottom lip to stop the words from spilling out of her. Right now, she was sure he would not believe anything she told him, not after she’d lied to him for months. Well, not exactly lied perhaps, but she’d not told him the truth either. And he wouldn’t see the faint difference between the two, not now when he was so upset at her.

To her surprise, the tension left his body. Now, he only looked tired. She was reminded of how little sleep both of them had got last night but pushed the thought to the back of her mind. She could not allow herself to get distracted, and thinking about the previous night, of the feeling of his body on top of hers, of those ridiculously sexy, golden locks of his brushing against the insides of her thighs… was not a good idea right now.

“Leave him.” He’d been avoiding looking at her for a while, but met her eyes again at that moment, a fierce look of determination in his expression all of a sudden.

She could only stare at him, pulled violently from her memories. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Jasper…”

“Don’t,” he said, his voice firm. “Don’t try to act like this is such a crazy suggestion. You don’t like him. You said as much yourself. So you obviously don’t _love_ him. And you don’t _want_ him, either, you can’t deny that. I _know_ for a fact that you don’t. So, leave him.”

It broke her heart, how hopeful, how eager he seemed suddenly. She shook her head slightly. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, okay?” For the first time in this conversation, her own voice became harsh. Jasper pulled up his eyebrows again.

“Why can’t you?”

“Please stop.” Alice brought her hands up to her temples and massaged them, closing her eyes. She was starting to get a headache. “I can’t. My family depends on me. I can’t leave him.”

He didn’t reply. When, after a while, she opened her eyes once more to look at him, the first thing she saw was his terror-stricken expression.

He eventually recovered enough to speak. “Your… family?”

“Oh,” she said, realising what the reason for his shock was. “Oh, no. It’s not… I don’t have children with him if that’s what you think. I’m talking about my parents and my sister. My family. They are depending on me. On James. I can’t leave him.” Suddenly, she felt anger flaring up inside her gut. “But honestly, how dare you ask that of me? You’re not my boyfriend. I’ve never asked anything of you. You could have said no anytime. But you didn’t mind the secrecy, did you, since you got to fuck me? You’ve never really given me the impression that it meant more to you either.”

Jasper stared at her as if she’d slapped him. “Are you kidding me?”

She held his gaze bravely and shrugged her shoulders.

“I asked you about your life approximately a _hundred_ times,” he said through his teeth, his voice more restrained than at any point during this conversation. “I always wanted to see you again, wanted to get your fucking number, always hoped you would stay instead of leaving every single morning, and you seriously have the audacity to tell me that I don’t care about more than fucking you?” The last part came out as a shout. Clearly, he was running out of patience with her after all.

This time, she failed miserably at holding back the tears. But she didn’t want him to see her cry, didn’t want to show him how much his words had hurt her, so she spun around and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

“Alice?”

His tone was calm again, a worried undertone in it now. She knew it was pointless, then: she couldn’t hide her tears from him. It was one of the things she’d always liked about him: how observant he was, how well he knew what she was feeling.

“Leave me alone,” she said, sniffing her nose.

His hand was on her shoulder, gently squeezing it. “Alice, I’m sorry.”

She shook it off, suddenly furious at him again. “You think I don’t want to leave him? You think I haven’t thought about that a million times while lying in bed next to you, or kissing you, _sleeping_ with you?” She turned around to face him again, allowing him to see her tears now, not caring anymore about his reaction. Jasper visibly cringed as he scanned her face.

“Jazz, it’s all I can think about. I want nothing more than to just grab my things and leave that bastard behind, to never return to the house I despise so much. Fuck, I can’t even tell you how much I want that. How much I want to…”

 _Be with you_. Another unfinished sentence.

“Shh,” Jasper said. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, but I…” He stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. By now, any attempt he’d made to tame his curls had been undone, his blond locks were falling into his face uncontrolledly.

Alice recognised the gesture as something he always did whenever he was nervous. Jasper met her eyes again. His expression was so miserable and hopeless that she felt like crying again. “I don’t like this. In fact, I _hate_ this. Ever since we’ve met, I just felt like there was this connection between us, like you were some answer I had been looking for without even realising it. Before I met you, the only things I cared about were work, and money, and having the newest car and stuff like that and now… now I can’t stop thinking about you. And the thought that…” - he paused again and inhaled deeply before continuing - “that every time you leave my apartment you’re heading back to your home where he’s waiting for you, is just…”

Alice couldn’t listen to him any longer. “Stop. Please.” Her voice was pleading. “It’s not like that at all, please don’t think that. He’s never there. Why do you think I can sneak out so often without him noticing? He’s always away on business trips, events, in meetings, and so on. And… he’s cheating on me, too. I’m pretty sure he’s fucking the receptionist who works in our building. And there might be others, I don’t even know. She’s not the first one.”

“Ah,” Jasper said, his voice sounding bitter again. “Is this some sort of sick revenge then? He’s doing it to you, so you’re doing it to him?”

“No! That’s not what this is. If you could just listen to me, I –”

“I wanted to listen, I did. All these times I asked you to explain, to tell me who you were. But it’s a little late for that now, isn’t it?”

She blinked at him and her eyes widened. What was he saying? “What –”

“Oh, I think you know what I mean. Come on, Alice. You can’t lie about every aspect of your life and expect me to be cool with that and shrug it off like this. It doesn’t work like that. Whatever it was between us, it’s –”

“No,” she whimpered and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Please don’t say it. Please don’t. I can’t… I couldn’t… I can’t stand the thought of never seeing you again.”

For a moment, there was hesitation in his eyes. She felt a flicker of hope rushing through her body: perhaps he didn’t want that to happen either. Then, he put on a neutral, collected expression once more. “I just don’t see it. How that would work. You’re married. And, from the looks of it, you and your husband are in the same social circles as I am. But none of that matters anyway because I’m not going to be a homewrecker. I don’t want to get involved in your mess.”

His words and tone made it clear that he considered that to be the end of their discussion. Just as he regarded her with one last look full of disappointment and made a move to return to the event, Alice did the only thing that came to her mind.

She crossed the space between them, rose up on her tiptoes and pulled his neck down – he was so damn tall – so that she could capture his lips with her own. Jasper had clearly not expected this and was taken by surprise, considering the way he was gasping into her mouth at the contact. Alice didn’t give him a chance to think further about what they were doing, too scared that he would pull away and leave. As she had done so many times before, she pressed her entire body wantonly against his. She wrapped one of her arms around his neck and pushed her other hand into his hair, grabbing a fistful of blond locks to stop him from escaping her grasp. Not that he was trying to. Jasper moaned into her mouth softly – giving in, surrendering to her – and instinctively pulled her even tighter against him until no leaf could fit in between their bodies. With his arms wrapped around her waist firmly, he lifted her upper body slightly to get better access to her lips, until she was barely standing on her own feet anymore. The height difference between them had always been weird: it had always been awkward whenever they were standing next to each other or were trying to kiss. Which was the reason why he usually picked her up when they were in this position and carried her over to any elevated surface – like the sofa, his bed, or the kitchen counter – where he could equalize it.

But right now, there were no other places to go to, and Alice broke away after a while. The sharp pain in her shoulders reminded her that even with the high heels on her feet, she was still nowhere near tall enough to kiss him for longer than a few minutes without her neck getting stiff. As soon as she removed her lips from his and pulled away a little, Jasper seemed to regain his senses. He could only stare at her with wide eyes.

Then, he moved away and stepped back for good measure, as if he was worried that she would try to kiss him again. That she would render him brainless once more, leave him unable to think clearly again.

He struggled to speak, trying to find the right thing to say for a moment, and Alice gave up all resistance she initially had. She sighed deeply, walked up to him again and took his large hand in her tiny one.

“I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave.”

Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say again, because Jasper’s anger flared up again. “How can you ask that of me? After telling me you’re not going to leave him? You expect me to just go on with things as they were? To play along with your little scheme?”

For what felt like the hundredth time today, Alice shook her head, desperate to explain herself. “It’s not like that. I…” And that was when she could finally say it, the thought of losing him so much worse than admitting this small, and yet huge thing, “I love you.”

That was the final straw. From the looks of it, she’d finished him off with that statement. Jasper was gaping at her, his jaw practically on the floor. It took him a long time to recover from her words enough to even be able to stammer a reply, “You… _what_?”

“I do,” she said urgently, desperate for him to believe her. “I love you. I have since the first moment I saw you. It wasn’t at the New Year’s Eve party. It was a few weeks before that, at that rooftop party you attended with your colleagues.” She paused to look at him again, trying to convey how serious she was. “I was so numb before that, Jazz. So fed up with the pain and the heartbreak and this world in general, which seemed to have nothing to offer me but shitty assholes and misery. Honestly, I have been depressed for so long, looking for a reason not to end it all. And then you showed up and suddenly I could breathe again. For the first time in years, I started to feel free again, like I’d escaped from the cage I’ve been stuck in since I married James. I never would have married him if I had known… known that I would meet someone who could make me feel like this. I thought I knew what love was, but I was just naïve and young and dumb. I didn’t know shit. And now, I can’t take it back. I can’t un-marry him. Especially not since my family needs me to stay with him.”

That brought life back into Jasper, who had listened to her words quietly, his expression indecipherable. “What is that about? Why does your family depend on him?”

Alice tried to ignore the sting in her heart that his words caused her. He hadn’t said it back, hadn’t even addressed her confession at all. Did he not feel the same? Had she been wrong?

She forced herself to regain her composure. “Back when we were in High School, it was mainly about our parents and their companies working together. My parents were thrilled when I started dating James, they knew it would give them the chance to establish a business relationship with his father’s company. And they did, and it worked out well for a couple of years. But then, last spring, my father made a bunch of really bad investments that didn’t pay out. Since then, my family is ruined. The only thing keeping us afloat is James’s money.”

Jasper glanced at her wordlessly, his eyebrow raised once again. “It’s about money? Why you can’t leave him?”

She nodded. “My father built his business from scratch. I can’t let him down. The company is his life, the only thing he cares about. I’m afraid, if he had to give it up, he’d not survive it.”

“Alice,” he said. “If you need money, I can -”

“No,” she interrupted. “You can’t. Believe me, you can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I know you have money, I know you’re a successful lawyer, but you don’t have… it’s not enough. We’re talking astronomical sums here. This isn’t an issue that could be resolved with a couple of grands, okay?”

He looked pale after hearing those words. “That is… just not right. It’s not fair that you have to stay with someone you dislike so much just to save your family’s business. They shouldn’t ask that of you.”

“Tell me about it.” She laughed bitterly. “The truth is, my family doesn’t care much about what I want or don’t want. It’s always been like this in our family. The company comes first, no matter what.”

“It’s not right.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“You could tell your father to go fuck himself,” he suggested, making her laugh.

“Sometimes I want to.” She got quiet again, internally relieved that he was still here, that he hadn’t left yet. Alice was beginning to wonder if James had noticed her absence by now. She didn’t even know for how long they’d been here, but it sure had been a while.

At the same time, she had no desire to leave. She wanted to stay here – in this dark hallway – with Jasper forever. Not that it was a particularly nice place, but as long as they were together, she didn’t mind. It was still better than spending one more moment with James. Hell, _anything_ was better than spending any amount of time with James.

But there was one thing that was still killing her inside. “So, you’re really not going to say anything?”

“About what? Your father?”

“Fuck my father. I mean, about how I just told you I loved you?” Her voice was quiet again, almost inaudible.

Jasper sighed and stepped closer. Only then did she notice that she was still holding his hand. Which likely was a good sign: he’d not pulled away yet.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he admitted, and her heart sank. “It’s… out of nowhere. Two hours ago, I didn’t even know your name, and now you’re telling me this? I don’t know what to make of that.”

Now it was Alice who pulled away from him, more disappointed than she’d expected to be. She’d confessed her feelings, had bared her soul to him and how much it meant to her having him in her life and he didn’t even know what to say. It hurt. Much more than hearing the news of one of James’s affairs, much more than any of her fights with her husband.

“Okay,” she said and spun around again, once more trying to hide her tears. She considered leaving. What reason did she have to stay here with him? To give him the chance to drill the knife even deeper into her heart? He clearly didn’t feel the same way. She should just walk away.

But, just when she had half made up her mind to do it - to just leave him standing in this hallway - Jasper spoke again.

“I’m fucking angry at you right now, you get that, right? Because you pulled me into this mess. You didn’t tell me the truth. You didn’t leave me a choice. And I hate myself for not realising – or fine, _admitting_ to myself - before this moment, that you were married. Because… if I had known, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.”

She nodded mechanically, still not facing him. Suddenly, his arms were wrapped around her waist and she could feel his face buried in her hair as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. His touch startled her, and he stroked his fingers over her arm reassuringly.

“But as much as my rational mind is telling me to walk away right now, the truth is, Alice, I’m in too deep. I feel the same way about you, you know I do. I haven’t stopped thinking about you for a second, ever since we met at that damn party six months ago. Every single day, I hope you will show up at my apartment unannounced. Hope that I will see you again. And the thought of… giving that up now, seems… impossible.”

Just as she leaned back against his chest, exhaling with relief at his words, the sound of footsteps approaching made them jump apart.

“Alice?”

Terrified, she spun around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so mean. This is the angstiest thing I've ever written. You can yell at me in the comments?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim instead of working on my WIPs. I don't even know what this is. Don't hate me for the ending.


End file.
